8 Common Sexual Concerns in Relationships—And How to Fix Them
- Syna Gensterblum
- Feb 1
- 7 min read
Is your sex life everything you want it to be? Or has frustration, boredom, or distance crept in?
Have you ever found yourselves lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering, “What happened to our sex life?” Maybe you used to rip each other’s clothes off, but now it feels like you’re negotiating sex like on a Turkish bazaar—if it even happens at all. Or perhaps you’re stuck in a routine, repeating the same moves, same positions, same predictable outcome (or lack thereof), as if you’re just ticking off boxes on a checklist. Sound familiar?
You’re not alone. Sex can be mind-blowing, raw, and deeply intimate—but it can also be frustrating, awkward, or even nonexistent. Most couples who have been in a relationship for a long time struggle with sexual concerns at some point. The difference between those who keep the fire burning and those who fizzle out? They talk about it.
Here are the 8 Most Common Sexual Concerns in Relationships
That’s where we start today—no sugarcoating, no fluff—just the 8 most common sexual challenges couples face, why they happen, and how to fix them. Your relationship deserves more than silent frustration and unanswered questions.
1. Sexlessness (No or rarely any Sex)
When we talk about sexlessness, we’re talking about couples who have sex six times a year or less. When sex takes a backseat in your relationship, things can start to feel a bit... flat. There are usually a bunch of reasons behind it, like physical issues (pain, hormonal changes, erectile concerns, stress) or relationship stuff (broken trust, unspoken anger, emotional disconnection). Sometimes medical issues can sneak in too. But just because sex has become rare doesn’t mean it’s gone for good.
The solution? First, figure out what’s causing the distance. Is it stress from work, hidden resentment, or something deeper? Once you’ve got a handle on the root cause, you can start rebuilding intimacy—little by little. It doesn’t need to happen all at once, but with some patience, understanding, and effort, you can reignite that connection. If you're ready to turn things around, a sex coach can help to bring sex and pleasure back into your relationship.
2. Mismatched Libido
Ah, the classic scenario: one partner is ready for action, and the other can barely keep their eyes open. Mismatched libidos are more common than you think and can happen for all sorts of reasons—hormonal changes, stress, or just feeling emotionally distant. The key here is communication—open, honest, and without judgment. Have a real talk about what each of you needs. It’s also important to address things like monogamy agreements and trust issues, as those can affect your connection. A healthy relationship is all about balance—two people who can still be themselves while sharing a meaningful bond. It can change over time, but as long as both of you feel secure, it’ll stay strong. Plus, it keeps things interesting.
The solution: If spontaneous sex isn’t happening naturally, why not schedule some quality time for intimacy together. Find new ways to connect that don’t always have to be about sex. Discover what excites both of you, and make an effort to reignite that spark. Rebuilding intimacy starts with simple, sensual touch and creating quiet moments where you’re just enjoying each other’s company, no pressure. Focus on the emotional connection—what makes you feel close and loved? Once you get that foundation solid, desire is more likely to follow.
3. Performance Skills Deficit
When it feels like one or both partners aren’t satisfied with sex, it might be because they’re just not sure what they’re doing. So, how do people learn about sex? A mix of trial and error, talking to friends, and, yeah, watching porn. Yup, I know, but it is that way. When sex skills are the issue, it can lead to frustration or even resentment. Maybe it’s been years—or never—since one partner had an orgasm, or sex is painful because no one learned about lube. There’s no shame in using it, or in using toys or clitoral stimulation.
The solution: All of this can be learned. It’s not just about fancy techniques but knowing how to give each other pleasure. Be open about what works and what doesn’t. There’s no shame in asking for help or trying new things. You might also want to consider working with a sex coach to improve not just your technique, but also how you communicate your desires. The key to great sex is effective communication, and that’s what we’ll dive into next!
4. Communication Skills Deficit
Many couples have a hard time talking about their desires, boundaries, and expectations. Sometimes, people avoid talking openly about sex because they’re afraid of rejection, feel guilty or ashamed, or just don’t know how to bring it up. The key is practicing open communication—even if it feels a little awkward at first.
The solution: Start small! A great way to kick things off is by checking out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Listen to the audiobook together and talk about what you learned. It’s a fun and easy way to open up conversations around these topics. Once you get comfortable talking about your needs and desires, you’ll both get a lot more out of it. Setting clear boundaries and discussing what you want in bed isn’t just sexy—it’s essential for a healthy relationship.
5. Body Image Issues
Feeling self-conscious about your body can totally kill the mood in the bedroom. With all the unrealistic beauty standards, past trauma, aging, or even a partner who’s not supportive, it can really mess with your confidence and make intimacy harder. But the truth is, your body is amazing just the way it is, and focusing on pleasure instead of how you look can really change things.
The solution: Exercises like body-positive affirmations, mirror work, creative expressions, reassurance from your partner, and focusing on the physical sensations instead of worrying about your appearance. These can all help break free from those body image struggles. A sex coach can guide you in building that body confidence and feeling sexy in your own skin. Confidence is what makes you sexy—inside and out.
6. Aversion to Touch or Misplaced Touch Communication
Some couples never really touch each other. If touch feels like a no-go zone in your relationship, or if there’s tension around physical affection, it’s a good idea to get on the same page. When touch is misunderstood, it can make both partners feel distant, confused, or even hurt.
The solution lies in understanding the "Touch Continuum"—basically, the range of touches including everything from healing and affectionate touch to sensual, erotic, and sexual touch. A sex coach can help by teaching couples about these different kinds of touch, clearing up any confusion, and improving communication. Once you can tell when touch is meant to be comforting versus when it’s more sensual or sexual, your physical connection can be way stronger. It’s all about reading each other’s signals and setting the right vibe—so touch can go from awkward to totally irresistible.
7. Conflicting Values About Monogamy
A relationship is kind of like a deal between two people based on shared values. When those values don’t line up, or when there’s confusion about what the deal actually means, things can go wrong. And when trust gets broken or someone goes against that agreement, it can lead to some serious issues. If this happens, ask yourself the question “What brought us together in the beginning?” “What did we agree to, and which part of the agreement was broken?”
If you feel cheated, define what it means for you. Was it physical? Emotional? Online? How does it make you feel? One person’s casual flirting is another’s devastating violation. In all cases, trust needs to be rebuilt. I want to take a moment to address porn usage in relationships. For some partners, this is a big violation, tantamount to infidelity. Others enjoy porn together or their partner’s use.
The solution: When boundaries get crossed, partners need to rebuild trust and figure out new agreements that work for them. They might need help finding safe ways to reconnect. Sometimes, a breach of trust can actually be a wake-up call or a chance to rekindle their passion. A crisis might even turn out to be a gift, and it's up to you to guide them through it. This might mean taking things slow and using sensate focus to reconnect physically, coming up with new ways to talk about what they need, or even trying something fresh and completely their own.
8. Routine And Boredom In The Bedroom
If sex is starting to feel like just another task on your to-do list, it might be time to switch things up. When you've been together for a while, things can get predictable, and that can make it feel a bit boring. Stress doesn’t help either.
The solution: Bring back the fun! Start rediscovering each other by talking about fantasies, trying new things, and making sex a priority again. A little spontaneity can work wonders, so don't be afraid to get playful and try something new. The bedroom is the perfect place to ditch the routine. But again, good communication is key! Have an open conversation about what you both want and be ready to push some boundaries—just make sure it’s something you both feel comfortable with. It’s all about mutual respect and finding that balance where both of you can explore and have a good time without any pressure.
Tackling Sexual Concerns in Relationships: Reigniting Connection and Pleasure
Alright, let’s wrap this up with some key takeaways: First, remember that no matter how long you’ve been together, sexual challenges are totally normal. It’s not a sign that your relationship is doomed, but a sign that it might be time to tune in a little deeper.
Whether you're struggling with performance anxiety, lack of desire, or just feeling like you're going through the motions, addressing these issues with open communication, a willingness to reconnect is the first step and bringing a bit of playfulness back into the mix. And don’t forget, touch is a powerful way to rebuild that connection, so make it intentional and meaningful. And when things feel awkward or tough, that’s exactly when you should be diving in deeper, not pulling away.
Take a moment to reflect on where you and your partner are in all of this. Are you feeling disconnected? Struggling with touch or intimacy? Whatever it is, the fact that you’re reading this means you’re already taking the first step toward making a change.
Start the conversation with your partner today.
Comments